This is the hardest thing ever…. i have tried to tell people and so far my boyf and best mate know… i am not sure they really understand the implications of an IVA but they recongnise i am dealing with my debts… they have their own but seem to have it under control…or so they say

living with the stigma… of an IVA …I struggle with this.. little things remind me I am in IVA, For example the car is in the garage following an accident adn they were arranging me a hire car but the hire company want a credit card to take £50 you know in case i smash it up when i said ” i dont have one” i was met with “what? why not” then a panic from the mememer of staff but a solution that i  could pay £100 cash… what a con…  where the hell can i finf £100 cash…….wen my budget is completly sorted out. why is it that when you try and deal with your debt your penalised….. to be fair i think i would be more responsiable then alot of my credit card carrying friends! Needles to say i didnt bother and i am using public transport….

i thought i would post very quickly about the Joy of ” value ” products…. ok so some are very dodgy.,..but the majority are great …taste/do exactly the same as the brand product …leaving me with some extra pennies for a treat!  If only Marks and Spencers did it!…. wooh imagine

today i enjoyed a very nice “value” cherry bakewell the only diff i think was that the cherry wasnt in the centre…..followed by another! LOL… while trying to submit an assignment fighting an awful cold!

This is one of the most valuable little leasons I have learnt so far being in an IVA… Lesson 1 . “look at the price”………crazy but true.

today is the day of my first blog and the first day i started taking prozac…. to say i feel like a massive failure is no understatement. 

But hey we all have to press on…. its a crutch to help me get through things and hey once the meds are finished i can still bore everyone with my blog!

I wish I was kidding, 6 months of being on the IVA and everything was going well… my salary had increased and I had adjustd my payment accordingly I had received a bonus at work and 50% had gone to my IP… . But i was still ending up with £10 to last 2 weeks, no food in the cupboards and no petrol in the car…. trust me my budget is fine ! the problem was me… the tiny allowance i had set out for me.. i would just spend on useless crap to fill a void … a handbag to make me smile for a day ….honestly! I am a disastor with money.  Its weird to admit but you know that deep down stomach churnng sickness you used to feel when you are not sure how you were going to pay a bill/ trying to figure out ways to move credit from one card to the next. That “panic” feeling i think i was addicted to that feeling. Feeling on the edge!

I have searched everywhere for help… but i cant find anything.. maybe this is a symptom of modern life….?  The only thing that has pulled me though is reading this forum and others, and confinidng in my best mate…

Maybe they should have Spenders Anon … I would defo go

it could begin with when i got my first credit card at 18, it could begin with my first consoldation loan, or perhaps it begins now.

I am 10 months into my IVA, and i now know how i got myself in to this mess.  Quite simply put i wanted what i couldnt have, i cant make excuses for my behaviour but i can own up to it! Thats what an IVA has given me, a chance to put things right.

So I thought i woudl post about my journey… as i have been diping in and out of the forum for a while and everyone provides so much support in those dark moments. Even though my IVA is up and running I still see it as a journey as its not over till its over…

 So lets start… just like aN AA meeting or something… ” Hi my names Lula * and at the last count i beleive I owe £25000″ in reality it worked out closer to 38,000 but hey thats denial for you. That was Oct 2006…. i realised that if i went to try and get another consoldiation loan.. this wouldnt solve the problem so i started to search for another way! …(it does sound the 12 steps LOL)….

I headed for the Web, and I spoke to alot of doodgy companies… who made me feel under pressure to make a decison..”pay them x now to avoid y “ ….. i kept looking and i found a company i was comfortable with.  Thats the main thing, to find an IP you can speak to who makes sense and who you understand…because once you start this road to debt recovery there is no getting off!  

So the proposal was submitted, the weeks of fretting began and finally at attempt 2 it was agreed. Sorted you may think…so did I. But life has changed beyond all recongniation… i have to “think” about what I spend. You know what i am sure for most people that is normal behaviour for me thats something I have started to learn.

 So I will keep posting my thoughts and ancedotes here..andmaybe somone can draw something from them!